Week 5
Sorry about the lateness of this.
Had a midterm + TIGERS BASEBALL WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ALCS.
Baseball is the best.
Anyways... I'll make this quick
============================================================
Thanks to 2 0-4 teams the top of the standing is VERY
congested. So many 4-1/3-2 teams.
Thobias could have been a 4-1 team but he has the
disadvantage of being on the west coast and couldn't adjust
his lineup after his trade processed in time to drop almost
150. Instead he dropped 73.2 and fell to 3-2
Just a note. If you know you will be unable to set your
lineup for some reason, any email to me... let's say 5
minutes before kickoff of the first game of when any player
you are trying to adjust locks, I will honor and readjust
for you, even if I see if after they play. That way I have
proof that it was your intention.
Another noteworthy matchup was JFS vs Excrement. 0.9 points
is a brutal way to lose. Top 10 closest loss, not #1 but
close enough to hurt.
============================================================
1. Calvin's Johnson
Resembles... Denver Broncos... who else?
Forehead Android is on a tear and it's even worse when he
has the player who's starting to look like his favorite
target. Remember Dallas Clark? Well, Julius is the more
athletic version of the mustachioed great. Like the
Broncos... do the running backs even matter? I doubt any
team in the NFL looks at Denver and says... DAMN. How do I
stop the threeheaded RB corp. No one says that. Like the
Broncos you look at this team's RB situation and giggle. How
SILLY to have DeAngelo, Ball, Bell? Rashad will cease to
matter when DMC comes back (looks like this week).
However you look at it. This team is averaging 115 points a
week.
------------------------------------------------------------
2. 36 Dollar Man
Resembles... Dallas Cowboys
No, I don't just compare them to the team the QB is on.
Yes, he has DeMarco as well, shut up.
Cowboys had a chance to beat the Broncos last week. Mr. Yeun
kindly snapchatted me a video of him watching the game like
a boss while I was sitting on my couch... What made them
push Denver? QB play. What made them fall short? QB play. So
far, Romo is actually having a grand year. 40.9 this week!
Wow. But like the Dallas Cowboys, they can play this way and
have Romo throw over and over again but it doesn't really
correlate to their success.
Looking back to Dallas' season, anytime they run Murray 15
times or more they win. Week 1 was really close so they did
pass a lot but they also ran Murray 20 times. 35 is Romo's
magic number. If he throws 35 times or more, they're 1-3.
QB production is nice but the RBs need to produce. The WRs
minus one is Dez-like every week it seems. THAT'S why this
is the Cowboys.
------------------------------------------------------------
3. Exile of the Sea Bass
Resembles... Detroit Lions
Same record helps. Wes Welker is this team's Calvin.
Can the Lions win without Calvin? This year? Yes. They had
GB in check without him but a win at Lambeau is very hard.
Could the Lions win without Calvin AND Reggie? Never. Never,
never, never. Take LeSean and Welker out and you have a
super average team. There's a stat in baseball called WAR.
Wins above replacement. You replace the two players' totals
with the average for their position and this team can't
produce more than 100 points. Why? Ryan is Stafford. Ryan
needs his ace. WHO IS NOW ON THE IR AND DONE FOR THE SEASON.
Ryan is expected to stay within the 15-20 point range with a
breakout game once in a while if Julio and Roddy are both
healthy. Unfortunately neither of them are.
Bleh.
------------------------------------------------------------
4. Joon's Football Squad
Resembles... New England Patriots
QB is solid. QB is great. Even on a bad day against tough Ds
He won't be "Schaub-ed". Has young receivers who either drop
the ball or has great performances with one who actually is
on the Patriots who by default becomes a go-to type of guy
but is battling injury. The running backs are interesting.
Daryl is Ridley, someone who should be having much more
success... Quiz is Blount, injury to Vereen lets him take
some snaps like SJax's injury to him. Marshawn... maybe it's
a stretch but if Vereen were healthy I'd imagine the Pats
would go to him often and give him the bulk of the runs
given Ridley's turdiness.
Winning is winning. However this team puts up around 100
points per game. Meet a team who can do better and this team
needs their stars to act like stars... WHERE WERE YOU LAST
WEEK BRADY!?
------------------------------------------------------------
5. Cruz to Victor
Resembles... Kansas City Chiefs
A Run first type of team. RB is the key to success with a
solid group of WRs (although Bowe is underacheiving) and a
QB that's a question mark but is hanging around as "decent"
until they blow up to be great or awful.
RG3 only has one 20+ game.
Adrian is the man, everyone knows that. Gio is an up and
comer who SERIOUSLY needs to have the reigns handed to him.
This team discovered cloning technology and cloned Bowe
twice. Cruz and DThomas are fantastic. A non-slumping Bowe
looks like what these two are doing.
Oh and there's the whole, had a history of sucking til this
year thing they have in common. hehe.
------------------------------------------------------------
6. Thobias Funke
Resembles... New Orleans Saints
Kind of hard to stray from that comparison.
Picking the Saints based on the potential of his new lineup.
Brees is back to being a stud and he's surrounded on this
team with capable WRs. No one really wows you but they all
have the potential to blow up if they earn their QBs favor
that day. Gates is a legendary TE and used to be what Graham
is before Graham. Running backs... still weak but they have
a Sprolesian nice pass-catching speedster in Jamaal Charles.
Upgraded version but that's pretty much it at that position.
The focus is off the RB slots and more on the QB, WR, and
TEs. Alshon already proved that 27.8 was kind of... flukey,
but he's capable.
Get this team on a day where the QB and WRs are clicking and
it starts to look dangerous.
------------------------------------------------------------
7. Ansahppable Cabrera
Resembles... Atlanta Falcons pre-Juliogeddon.
QB, average but capable due to his WRs. Staff has Calvin.
This team's wideouts has 3 Solid WRs. Everyone was waiting
for Roddy to heal so the Julio/Roddy/Harry trifecta could
come back into full form and start making Matty Ice look
like a beast. Then Julio decided to die. Luckily for this
team, no one died. However Larry has a Hammy now. Injuries
are keeping this team from having a.. playable RB situation.
Lacy looks... alright? Wilson and Ridley... oh boy. Zac
Stacy is too soon to tell. At least the TE had started to
emerge until they ran into the BIG BAD BUFFALO BILLS.
Falcons, even with Julio and healthy for some reason just
didn't have what it took to get the wins although they have
some stars. But it's about having the right stars in the
right place. SJAX is out and Matt relies on his WRs. Like
them this team has the WRs... but nothing much else. Staff
is too dependent on Calvin on a week to week basis and the
RBs are full of low end RB2s to flex guys.
------------------------------------------------------------
8. Atlanta Lions
Resembles... Indy Colts
Dez is Reggie Wayne. Dependable with great hands.
Steven Jackson is Ahmad Bradshaw. Showed signs of good stuff
til injury took them out. Alfred is Trent Richardson, and
Rivers can be Luck as a rising name (in Rivers' case... re-
emerging) or it can be Cam, a young guy trying to find his
way.
Now the Colts are doing better than this team but when
everyone looks at the Colts, they're just a couple things
away from being a force. I think the combination of Rivers
and Cam can be more than plenty. the RBs need to be at full
strength. If Alfred and SJax are good to go every week this
lineup looks great. Like the Colts they have a veteran stud
(Wayne) and an up and coming young guy (TY Hilton) in Dez
and DeAndre. If Houston fixes their QB issues and SJax is
healthy I don't see why this team wouldn't be able to
increase their PF average. 85.5 like last week just won't
get anything done.
------------------------------------------------------------
9. Team Excrement
Resembles... Buffalo Bills
RB INJURIES.
Nice high ceiling WRs.
A Redzone TE.
A QB that has won the game and blown some too.
Perfect.
Tom Brady had a terrible week and therefore I had a terrible
week cause lord knows I love that man. This team is the lowest point scoring 3-2 team and actually he's scored less than both 2-3 teams. Sounds like the Buffalo Bills with their 2-3 record while team who seem more complete have worse records. This team just needs health. The pieces are there but when no one scoreds 20+ points like this week... it's going to be a challenge. On the bright side, he finished with 105 this week so that's not that bad.
------------------------------------------------------------
10. what am i doing
Resembles... Carolina Panthers
Mobile young QB with a super underachieving RB corp (although not much expected) with decent WRs who seem to be underacheiving as well. Fits perfectly.
TP will always get my hate and deserves it for being a buckeye and an awful person. I think comparing him to Cam is a slap in the face. Now... that is a problem. TP as QB? There has to be better.
Every year, people say, "this is the year _____ breaks out". I think that's been said about MJD for years on years now. It's not this year. The only bright spot on this team is Freddie J and Graham. Production has to come SOMEWHERE on a consistent basis from any position. Sounds just like the Panthers.
------------------------------------------------------------
11. i need a win
Resembles... New York Giants.
Former Champion. Formerly solid at QB.
Fall from grace. Unexpected winless start.
Things are getting worse. Julio is out. Now... having 2 big name QBs seemed to be a blessing and curse but now it just seems like it's a big fat curse. Both QBs are starting to get used to being terrible. The running back situation isn't that bad given Ray Rice is back and heating up. Like the giants... Things just need to start clicking... especially at the QB position. Time is running out if it hasn't already.
------------------------------------------------------------
12. SCOOP YOU
resembles... Jacksonville Jaguars
CLEARLY the weakest team. Only team to not have eclipsed the FOUR hundred PF mark let alone the 5. Jacksonville is full of nobodies, busts, or has beens.
Nobodies - Garrett Graham, Robert Woods.
Busts - Trent, Roddy
Has Beens - Lawfirm, Andre
All well wishes to andrew luck. I really like him. His numbers are astoundingly consistent. However... When you look at the roster you say... ugh.
Just like what people say when they see Jacksonville up close. Needs and overhaul.
============================================================
Will come back later. I'm sleepy.
Had a midterm + TIGERS BASEBALL WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ALCS.
Baseball is the best.
Anyways... I'll make this quick
============================================================
Thanks to 2 0-4 teams the top of the standing is VERY
congested. So many 4-1/3-2 teams.
Thobias could have been a 4-1 team but he has the
disadvantage of being on the west coast and couldn't adjust
his lineup after his trade processed in time to drop almost
150. Instead he dropped 73.2 and fell to 3-2
Just a note. If you know you will be unable to set your
lineup for some reason, any email to me... let's say 5
minutes before kickoff of the first game of when any player
you are trying to adjust locks, I will honor and readjust
for you, even if I see if after they play. That way I have
proof that it was your intention.
Another noteworthy matchup was JFS vs Excrement. 0.9 points
is a brutal way to lose. Top 10 closest loss, not #1 but
close enough to hurt.
============================================================
1. Calvin's Johnson
Resembles... Denver Broncos... who else?
Forehead Android is on a tear and it's even worse when he
has the player who's starting to look like his favorite
target. Remember Dallas Clark? Well, Julius is the more
athletic version of the mustachioed great. Like the
Broncos... do the running backs even matter? I doubt any
team in the NFL looks at Denver and says... DAMN. How do I
stop the threeheaded RB corp. No one says that. Like the
Broncos you look at this team's RB situation and giggle. How
SILLY to have DeAngelo, Ball, Bell? Rashad will cease to
matter when DMC comes back (looks like this week).
However you look at it. This team is averaging 115 points a
week.
------------------------------------------------------------
2. 36 Dollar Man
Resembles... Dallas Cowboys
No, I don't just compare them to the team the QB is on.
Yes, he has DeMarco as well, shut up.
Cowboys had a chance to beat the Broncos last week. Mr. Yeun
kindly snapchatted me a video of him watching the game like
a boss while I was sitting on my couch... What made them
push Denver? QB play. What made them fall short? QB play. So
far, Romo is actually having a grand year. 40.9 this week!
Wow. But like the Dallas Cowboys, they can play this way and
have Romo throw over and over again but it doesn't really
correlate to their success.
Looking back to Dallas' season, anytime they run Murray 15
times or more they win. Week 1 was really close so they did
pass a lot but they also ran Murray 20 times. 35 is Romo's
magic number. If he throws 35 times or more, they're 1-3.
QB production is nice but the RBs need to produce. The WRs
minus one is Dez-like every week it seems. THAT'S why this
is the Cowboys.
------------------------------------------------------------
3. Exile of the Sea Bass
Resembles... Detroit Lions
Same record helps. Wes Welker is this team's Calvin.
Can the Lions win without Calvin? This year? Yes. They had
GB in check without him but a win at Lambeau is very hard.
Could the Lions win without Calvin AND Reggie? Never. Never,
never, never. Take LeSean and Welker out and you have a
super average team. There's a stat in baseball called WAR.
Wins above replacement. You replace the two players' totals
with the average for their position and this team can't
produce more than 100 points. Why? Ryan is Stafford. Ryan
needs his ace. WHO IS NOW ON THE IR AND DONE FOR THE SEASON.
Ryan is expected to stay within the 15-20 point range with a
breakout game once in a while if Julio and Roddy are both
healthy. Unfortunately neither of them are.
Bleh.
------------------------------------------------------------
4. Joon's Football Squad
Resembles... New England Patriots
QB is solid. QB is great. Even on a bad day against tough Ds
He won't be "Schaub-ed". Has young receivers who either drop
the ball or has great performances with one who actually is
on the Patriots who by default becomes a go-to type of guy
but is battling injury. The running backs are interesting.
Daryl is Ridley, someone who should be having much more
success... Quiz is Blount, injury to Vereen lets him take
some snaps like SJax's injury to him. Marshawn... maybe it's
a stretch but if Vereen were healthy I'd imagine the Pats
would go to him often and give him the bulk of the runs
given Ridley's turdiness.
Winning is winning. However this team puts up around 100
points per game. Meet a team who can do better and this team
needs their stars to act like stars... WHERE WERE YOU LAST
WEEK BRADY!?
------------------------------------------------------------
5. Cruz to Victor
Resembles... Kansas City Chiefs
A Run first type of team. RB is the key to success with a
solid group of WRs (although Bowe is underacheiving) and a
QB that's a question mark but is hanging around as "decent"
until they blow up to be great or awful.
RG3 only has one 20+ game.
Adrian is the man, everyone knows that. Gio is an up and
comer who SERIOUSLY needs to have the reigns handed to him.
This team discovered cloning technology and cloned Bowe
twice. Cruz and DThomas are fantastic. A non-slumping Bowe
looks like what these two are doing.
Oh and there's the whole, had a history of sucking til this
year thing they have in common. hehe.
------------------------------------------------------------
6. Thobias Funke
Resembles... New Orleans Saints
Kind of hard to stray from that comparison.
Picking the Saints based on the potential of his new lineup.
Brees is back to being a stud and he's surrounded on this
team with capable WRs. No one really wows you but they all
have the potential to blow up if they earn their QBs favor
that day. Gates is a legendary TE and used to be what Graham
is before Graham. Running backs... still weak but they have
a Sprolesian nice pass-catching speedster in Jamaal Charles.
Upgraded version but that's pretty much it at that position.
The focus is off the RB slots and more on the QB, WR, and
TEs. Alshon already proved that 27.8 was kind of... flukey,
but he's capable.
Get this team on a day where the QB and WRs are clicking and
it starts to look dangerous.
------------------------------------------------------------
7. Ansahppable Cabrera
Resembles... Atlanta Falcons pre-Juliogeddon.
QB, average but capable due to his WRs. Staff has Calvin.
This team's wideouts has 3 Solid WRs. Everyone was waiting
for Roddy to heal so the Julio/Roddy/Harry trifecta could
come back into full form and start making Matty Ice look
like a beast. Then Julio decided to die. Luckily for this
team, no one died. However Larry has a Hammy now. Injuries
are keeping this team from having a.. playable RB situation.
Lacy looks... alright? Wilson and Ridley... oh boy. Zac
Stacy is too soon to tell. At least the TE had started to
emerge until they ran into the BIG BAD BUFFALO BILLS.
Falcons, even with Julio and healthy for some reason just
didn't have what it took to get the wins although they have
some stars. But it's about having the right stars in the
right place. SJAX is out and Matt relies on his WRs. Like
them this team has the WRs... but nothing much else. Staff
is too dependent on Calvin on a week to week basis and the
RBs are full of low end RB2s to flex guys.
------------------------------------------------------------
8. Atlanta Lions
Resembles... Indy Colts
Dez is Reggie Wayne. Dependable with great hands.
Steven Jackson is Ahmad Bradshaw. Showed signs of good stuff
til injury took them out. Alfred is Trent Richardson, and
Rivers can be Luck as a rising name (in Rivers' case... re-
emerging) or it can be Cam, a young guy trying to find his
way.
Now the Colts are doing better than this team but when
everyone looks at the Colts, they're just a couple things
away from being a force. I think the combination of Rivers
and Cam can be more than plenty. the RBs need to be at full
strength. If Alfred and SJax are good to go every week this
lineup looks great. Like the Colts they have a veteran stud
(Wayne) and an up and coming young guy (TY Hilton) in Dez
and DeAndre. If Houston fixes their QB issues and SJax is
healthy I don't see why this team wouldn't be able to
increase their PF average. 85.5 like last week just won't
get anything done.
------------------------------------------------------------
9. Team Excrement
Resembles... Buffalo Bills
RB INJURIES.
Nice high ceiling WRs.
A Redzone TE.
A QB that has won the game and blown some too.
Perfect.
Tom Brady had a terrible week and therefore I had a terrible
week cause lord knows I love that man. This team is the lowest point scoring 3-2 team and actually he's scored less than both 2-3 teams. Sounds like the Buffalo Bills with their 2-3 record while team who seem more complete have worse records. This team just needs health. The pieces are there but when no one scoreds 20+ points like this week... it's going to be a challenge. On the bright side, he finished with 105 this week so that's not that bad.
------------------------------------------------------------
10. what am i doing
Resembles... Carolina Panthers
Mobile young QB with a super underachieving RB corp (although not much expected) with decent WRs who seem to be underacheiving as well. Fits perfectly.
TP will always get my hate and deserves it for being a buckeye and an awful person. I think comparing him to Cam is a slap in the face. Now... that is a problem. TP as QB? There has to be better.
Every year, people say, "this is the year _____ breaks out". I think that's been said about MJD for years on years now. It's not this year. The only bright spot on this team is Freddie J and Graham. Production has to come SOMEWHERE on a consistent basis from any position. Sounds just like the Panthers.
------------------------------------------------------------
11. i need a win
Resembles... New York Giants.
Former Champion. Formerly solid at QB.
Fall from grace. Unexpected winless start.
Things are getting worse. Julio is out. Now... having 2 big name QBs seemed to be a blessing and curse but now it just seems like it's a big fat curse. Both QBs are starting to get used to being terrible. The running back situation isn't that bad given Ray Rice is back and heating up. Like the giants... Things just need to start clicking... especially at the QB position. Time is running out if it hasn't already.
------------------------------------------------------------
12. SCOOP YOU
resembles... Jacksonville Jaguars
CLEARLY the weakest team. Only team to not have eclipsed the FOUR hundred PF mark let alone the 5. Jacksonville is full of nobodies, busts, or has beens.
Nobodies - Garrett Graham, Robert Woods.
Busts - Trent, Roddy
Has Beens - Lawfirm, Andre
All well wishes to andrew luck. I really like him. His numbers are astoundingly consistent. However... When you look at the roster you say... ugh.
Just like what people say when they see Jacksonville up close. Needs and overhaul.
============================================================
Will come back later. I'm sleepy.
No comments:
Post a Comment