Week 2
Dear Joe Nathan.
I hate you.
You suck.
I've never liked you. You were annoying as a Twin, you were just as annoying as a Ranger, and you are completely unbearable as a Tiger.
What makes things worse is his asshole attitude.
Whatever.
Speaking of annoying assholes...
Did you have a player get hurt this week? Probably a yes.
In a ridiculous week of injuries, Jamaal Charles, Desean Jackson, RG3, Knowshon Moreno, AJ Green, Ryan Mathews, and.... I don't even remember off the top of my head.... all went down with injuries.
Might as well add Adrian Beat-her-son on that list since he was deactivated for last week, but then was looking to be reinstated BUT THEN allegations of his beating his other 4 year old son from 2013 came to light so now.... wtf?
Count your blessings people... there may be no players left by week 8 to even have an NFL at this rate. Child beaters, wife beaters, murderers, drug abusers, and own-leg shooters make up this league commissioned over by a liar.
ANYWAYS...
Quick hitters:
Atlanta Lions was cruising over I miss JC So much after the midday games on sunday.
That left one player on each team left to play on sunday night.
Everything looked great for Steven as Chicago couldn't do anything in the first half... at least until Chicago's last possession where Brandon Marshall came down with a disgusting Calvin-esque one handed catch for a touchdown.
Still, no worries.
I admit, that game was awful to watch. It was a penalty per play for most of the first half with the majority of them being declined or off-setting. I had my matchup won and didn't really care what my hobbled Alshon would do. I checked back later and CHICAGO WAS IN THE LEAD???
Brandon Marshall came down with 2 more TDs to bring the score to a virtual tie.
I immediately realized that SF was on their last possession and Brandon Marshall wouldn't get any more chances unless SF converted the possession. Nope.
Ding Dong Dead.
111.7 to 111.1
Steven has a nice looking team even with Matthew assclown Stafford being completely stupid, albeit against a great defense. He's got some pretty looking running backs. mmm....
Congrats to Paul Min, you lead the league in points scored with nothing to show for it but a 1-1 record.
Speaking of points....
congrats to Not Creative, Lion Kings, Joon's Football Squad for breaking 50 points...
...
but not 80 points.
I may be insulting Joon and Danny by including them in with Kevin's 51.1 point output.
As I mentioned before, if you are the reason Tom Terrific is bleh, then eff you.
I doubt it though. Bill Belichek is a weirdo genius. He went with the gameplan he knew would work. It did. That gameplay included giving Steven Ridley an uncharacteristic amount of carries. Given how bad Ridley was last year due to being in the doghouse, it was surprising. Brady just managed the game and converted 3rd down situations and the Pat's called on the running backs.
So.... Danny Amendola didn't get much work..... as in... no work.... as in 0 points.
In beautiful asymmetry, the Packers only threw and Lacy got nothing and Forte was curiously bad against San Fran.
Not even going to touch Marqise Lee.
Lion Kings was just a mess... Tony Romo is the kryptonite to any other player on the same team. At least he made all these trades to change things up... congrats on ruining those new acquisitions' careers with your Tony Romo curse.
Joon heard my warnings about the Cinci D and curiously picked up Jake Locker(?) but decided to play Ryan anyways. Didn't really matter cause they both sucked. His other studs acted like studs. LeSean and DeMarco looked great but AJ Green's 0 points hurt (and frankly, cost him his matchup).
It seems weird to not only see Steven on top of the leaderboard given another autodraft, but !!!!!!!
Mr. Walter "F U" Rhee is sitting atop the mountain!
The man feared Jay Cutler @ SF so much he started RYAN TANNEHILL and STILL WON.
Bad move, cause Cutler was awesome and Tannehill wasn't... and wtf... take the time to look at how he won and you'll notice that beside Tannehill, NO ONE ELSE SCORED IN DOUBLE DIGITS. Patriots D pulled out 27 points and Cody Parkey dropped 11 points.
Remember that list of key injuries this week? Perpetually Injured has a team that is... perpetually injured. Doug Martin... out, 0 points.
Ryan Mathews.... sprained MCL, 5.7 points.
DeSean Jackson... followed his QB out of the game, 1.9 points.
Aaron Rodgers' 28.6 points couldn't save him but look at that... broke 80 points.... by 0.6 points...
Henry Kook is taking my comparison of his team to the Michigan Football program to heart by doing his best to give the title of "winningest program" to someone else.
It's not really his fault though. 92.5 points isn't too shabby, and given the low scoring of this league the first two weeks... it should have been enough to win.
Drew Brees is clearly starting extremely slow this year and Henry desperately needs some running backs and Jordan Reed to come back.
Regardless of his situation, when SCOOP YOU loses Knowshon Moreno to injury after logging 0.4 points and starts CJ2YPC but gets FORTY-FIVE POINT FOUR points from his two Packer receivers... you're gonna question life. Jordy Nelson pulled down 9 catches for the second time for 209 yards and a score!
Those two plus Cam were the only double digit offensive players. 27 from D+Kicker... as I've said many times before... is a killer X-factor.
Mr. Christopher "TWO TIME DEFENDING BASEBALL CHAMP" Han went from a team of excrement... to delicious excrement ice cream... to... awkwardly... gross-erotic... Excrement Excitement.
Although there is a good chance that his actual excrement could have done as much on the football field as his wide receivers (including flex), yet the rest of the team did great! Delanie Walker was the surprise of the week with 20.2 points but was actually a 7.4 point kang with Antonio Gates sitting on the bench. It's going to be a tricky play from here on out. Although I would confidently predict that Delanie Walker's performance was the high of this season already.
Excitement indeed, as this team only lost in week one due to Julius Thomas (second season in a row I've said that).
Speaking of Julius Thomas, Jeffrey "Jabroni" Kim starts the season off with two consecutive wins! Way to rebound. Very FSU-esque. A return to glory perhaps?
Jamaal died... which is sad... but Danny Shin decided to capitalize on the uncertainty of Jamaal's situation and gambled on him being back and ready for week 3. Nope.
Regardless... Peyton+Julius did most of the heavy lifting per usual. However, Terrance West was a nice little surprise with 15 points as Ben Tate sat.
Unfortunately the Broncos face the feared Seahawks next week. (GOOD NEWS FOR ME!)
Saved the best for last. Hanwook "Baseball Bridesmaid" Kwag broke 100!!!!
"Why is he trading for Zac Stacy?"
"Why does he like Nick Foles so much?"
"Why is he loving rookie Sammy Watkins so much?"
WELL GUESS WHAT BITCHES!?
...
we still don't know.........
...
Zac Stacy surprisingly dropped like 8 points in the first possession of the game! In my excitement I texted Danny Shin to gloat. I then fell asleep and saw that he accrued 11.1 points. Oh, I need to hit refresh, duh. *click* 11.1.
Oh.
However Sammy Watkins is a G, but his first week was pedestrian so I can't gloat about that yet.
Nick Foles and the Philly Eagles are so annoyingly undisciplined. For the second straight week they came out of the gate asleep. Chip Kelly needs to find a way for the Eagles to play the ENTIRE game like they played the second halves of both games.
Whatever. I still project myself outside top four. My draft sucked.
That reminds me...
REGGIE BUSH IS A HALL OF FAMER, YOU SHOULD TRADE ME PLAYERS FOR HIM
Matchup of the Week:
last week: WTF 127-93 JFS
actual: WTF 84.7-76.1 JFS
Early season undefeated matchup between DeMarco's Pizzeria and Atlanta Lions.
My "no NFL experience" brain tells me that the failure to commit to the running game is screwing the Lions and what better time to change that than against the Green Bay Packers.
Right?
Doubt it. Cause we're the Lions. Stafford will probably start the game off throwing the rock all day. We'll probably find ourselves down in the game and we'll throw some more.
I expect big days from Arian, Edelman, and even Sanders.
Sure, Welker will be back, it'll probably push Sanders to the 4th option role, which in turn might end up helping the guy. I expect Le'Veon to be shut down by Carolina's amazing run D and the rest are kind of up in the air.
For Walter, I don't see Rashad running well against Houston. Montee hasn't done anything to be worthy of all the pre-season hype and I doubt he changes our minds in Seattle. Eli sucks so Cruz sucks by association and if Adrian Peterson doesn't play, all defenses from here on out will focus their attentions to Cordarrelle.
I don't see much hope for Walter's team this week.
Atlanta Lions 107.3
DeMarco's Pizzeria 95
(1-0 record)
APOW - Atlanta Lions (1)
Turd - Not Creative (1)
http://gbffb.blogspot.com
I hate you.
You suck.
I've never liked you. You were annoying as a Twin, you were just as annoying as a Ranger, and you are completely unbearable as a Tiger.
What makes things worse is his asshole attitude.
Whatever.
Speaking of annoying assholes...
Did you have a player get hurt this week? Probably a yes.
In a ridiculous week of injuries, Jamaal Charles, Desean Jackson, RG3, Knowshon Moreno, AJ Green, Ryan Mathews, and.... I don't even remember off the top of my head.... all went down with injuries.
Might as well add Adrian Beat-her-son on that list since he was deactivated for last week, but then was looking to be reinstated BUT THEN allegations of his beating his other 4 year old son from 2013 came to light so now.... wtf?
Count your blessings people... there may be no players left by week 8 to even have an NFL at this rate. Child beaters, wife beaters, murderers, drug abusers, and own-leg shooters make up this league commissioned over by a liar.
ANYWAYS...
Quick hitters:
Atlanta Lions was cruising over I miss JC So much after the midday games on sunday.
That left one player on each team left to play on sunday night.
Everything looked great for Steven as Chicago couldn't do anything in the first half... at least until Chicago's last possession where Brandon Marshall came down with a disgusting Calvin-esque one handed catch for a touchdown.
Still, no worries.
I admit, that game was awful to watch. It was a penalty per play for most of the first half with the majority of them being declined or off-setting. I had my matchup won and didn't really care what my hobbled Alshon would do. I checked back later and CHICAGO WAS IN THE LEAD???
Brandon Marshall came down with 2 more TDs to bring the score to a virtual tie.
I immediately realized that SF was on their last possession and Brandon Marshall wouldn't get any more chances unless SF converted the possession. Nope.
Ding Dong Dead.
111.7 to 111.1
Steven has a nice looking team even with Matthew assclown Stafford being completely stupid, albeit against a great defense. He's got some pretty looking running backs. mmm....
Congrats to Paul Min, you lead the league in points scored with nothing to show for it but a 1-1 record.
Speaking of points....
congrats to Not Creative, Lion Kings, Joon's Football Squad for breaking 50 points...
...
but not 80 points.
I may be insulting Joon and Danny by including them in with Kevin's 51.1 point output.
As I mentioned before, if you are the reason Tom Terrific is bleh, then eff you.
I doubt it though. Bill Belichek is a weirdo genius. He went with the gameplan he knew would work. It did. That gameplay included giving Steven Ridley an uncharacteristic amount of carries. Given how bad Ridley was last year due to being in the doghouse, it was surprising. Brady just managed the game and converted 3rd down situations and the Pat's called on the running backs.
So.... Danny Amendola didn't get much work..... as in... no work.... as in 0 points.
In beautiful asymmetry, the Packers only threw and Lacy got nothing and Forte was curiously bad against San Fran.
Not even going to touch Marqise Lee.
Lion Kings was just a mess... Tony Romo is the kryptonite to any other player on the same team. At least he made all these trades to change things up... congrats on ruining those new acquisitions' careers with your Tony Romo curse.
Joon heard my warnings about the Cinci D and curiously picked up Jake Locker(?) but decided to play Ryan anyways. Didn't really matter cause they both sucked. His other studs acted like studs. LeSean and DeMarco looked great but AJ Green's 0 points hurt (and frankly, cost him his matchup).
It seems weird to not only see Steven on top of the leaderboard given another autodraft, but !!!!!!!
Mr. Walter "F U" Rhee is sitting atop the mountain!
The man feared Jay Cutler @ SF so much he started RYAN TANNEHILL and STILL WON.
Bad move, cause Cutler was awesome and Tannehill wasn't... and wtf... take the time to look at how he won and you'll notice that beside Tannehill, NO ONE ELSE SCORED IN DOUBLE DIGITS. Patriots D pulled out 27 points and Cody Parkey dropped 11 points.
Remember that list of key injuries this week? Perpetually Injured has a team that is... perpetually injured. Doug Martin... out, 0 points.
Ryan Mathews.... sprained MCL, 5.7 points.
DeSean Jackson... followed his QB out of the game, 1.9 points.
Aaron Rodgers' 28.6 points couldn't save him but look at that... broke 80 points.... by 0.6 points...
Henry Kook is taking my comparison of his team to the Michigan Football program to heart by doing his best to give the title of "winningest program" to someone else.
It's not really his fault though. 92.5 points isn't too shabby, and given the low scoring of this league the first two weeks... it should have been enough to win.
Drew Brees is clearly starting extremely slow this year and Henry desperately needs some running backs and Jordan Reed to come back.
Regardless of his situation, when SCOOP YOU loses Knowshon Moreno to injury after logging 0.4 points and starts CJ2YPC but gets FORTY-FIVE POINT FOUR points from his two Packer receivers... you're gonna question life. Jordy Nelson pulled down 9 catches for the second time for 209 yards and a score!
Those two plus Cam were the only double digit offensive players. 27 from D+Kicker... as I've said many times before... is a killer X-factor.
Mr. Christopher "TWO TIME DEFENDING BASEBALL CHAMP" Han went from a team of excrement... to delicious excrement ice cream... to... awkwardly... gross-erotic... Excrement Excitement.
Although there is a good chance that his actual excrement could have done as much on the football field as his wide receivers (including flex), yet the rest of the team did great! Delanie Walker was the surprise of the week with 20.2 points but was actually a 7.4 point kang with Antonio Gates sitting on the bench. It's going to be a tricky play from here on out. Although I would confidently predict that Delanie Walker's performance was the high of this season already.
Excitement indeed, as this team only lost in week one due to Julius Thomas (second season in a row I've said that).
Speaking of Julius Thomas, Jeffrey "Jabroni" Kim starts the season off with two consecutive wins! Way to rebound. Very FSU-esque. A return to glory perhaps?
Jamaal died... which is sad... but Danny Shin decided to capitalize on the uncertainty of Jamaal's situation and gambled on him being back and ready for week 3. Nope.
Regardless... Peyton+Julius did most of the heavy lifting per usual. However, Terrance West was a nice little surprise with 15 points as Ben Tate sat.
Unfortunately the Broncos face the feared Seahawks next week. (GOOD NEWS FOR ME!)
Saved the best for last. Hanwook "Baseball Bridesmaid" Kwag broke 100!!!!
"Why is he trading for Zac Stacy?"
"Why does he like Nick Foles so much?"
"Why is he loving rookie Sammy Watkins so much?"
WELL GUESS WHAT BITCHES!?
...
we still don't know.........
...
Zac Stacy surprisingly dropped like 8 points in the first possession of the game! In my excitement I texted Danny Shin to gloat. I then fell asleep and saw that he accrued 11.1 points. Oh, I need to hit refresh, duh. *click* 11.1.
Oh.
However Sammy Watkins is a G, but his first week was pedestrian so I can't gloat about that yet.
Nick Foles and the Philly Eagles are so annoyingly undisciplined. For the second straight week they came out of the gate asleep. Chip Kelly needs to find a way for the Eagles to play the ENTIRE game like they played the second halves of both games.
Whatever. I still project myself outside top four. My draft sucked.
That reminds me...
REGGIE BUSH IS A HALL OF FAMER, YOU SHOULD TRADE ME PLAYERS FOR HIM
Matchup of the Week:
last week: WTF 127-93 JFS
actual: WTF 84.7-76.1 JFS
Early season undefeated matchup between DeMarco's Pizzeria and Atlanta Lions.
My "no NFL experience" brain tells me that the failure to commit to the running game is screwing the Lions and what better time to change that than against the Green Bay Packers.
Right?
Doubt it. Cause we're the Lions. Stafford will probably start the game off throwing the rock all day. We'll probably find ourselves down in the game and we'll throw some more.
I expect big days from Arian, Edelman, and even Sanders.
Sure, Welker will be back, it'll probably push Sanders to the 4th option role, which in turn might end up helping the guy. I expect Le'Veon to be shut down by Carolina's amazing run D and the rest are kind of up in the air.
For Walter, I don't see Rashad running well against Houston. Montee hasn't done anything to be worthy of all the pre-season hype and I doubt he changes our minds in Seattle. Eli sucks so Cruz sucks by association and if Adrian Peterson doesn't play, all defenses from here on out will focus their attentions to Cordarrelle.
I don't see much hope for Walter's team this week.
Atlanta Lions 107.3
DeMarco's Pizzeria 95
(1-0 record)
APOW - Atlanta Lions (1)
Turd - Not Creative (1)
http://gbffb.blogspot.com
